memories of E. mingle with the rain, in dark suffocating torrents. bitter jealousy displacement petty envy. she is available. i am closed. i hesitate, glance back, and it is too late. i stare at their backs and hide in cowardice.
build another barricade. slowly, this time. each brick an insecurity, messy mortar wet with tears. i will defy the rain with a flimsy wall. this time it will hold. i sequester my heart and smile. stoic. strong. girl with the brick heart, arid and desolate. i drown in the drought. stoic. strong. solitude.
mechanical movements, guarded and sure. self-confident and secure, yet crumbling. 2:36 will be my final disaster 2:36 i succumb to the rain and suffocate.
random musings about tonight, the rain, a memory. i incorporated staples into the painting again, as well as small metal lighting bolts that i found on the ground somewhere, i believe. adds a bit of kitsch, don't you think? not entirely happy with the final product... i may just leave it though. since it was entirely an emotion-based painting, tweaking might extinguish the spontaneous outpouring.
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